Recently, I had coffee with a 50-something friend of mine — she shared how lately she had been feeling anxious, drinking more, and had the urge to run away. She was really stumped as to why that would be. She said her life was great, comfortable and no big stresses. Ah…. but she was overlooking a BIG change coming her way.
Her daughter is about to leave the nest and go off to college. Now my friend will not have the role of “mother” to consume her… Her time will be freed up to think about herself, a career and more time with her husband. She felt like she might be in midlife crisis — but she has a choice — she can choose midlife transformation instead. This is her chance to stop playing roles that consume her and become more authentic.
In our modern-quick-fix-instant gratification society, we have very little tolerance or context for dealing with pain and change. This leads to the overuse of anti-depressants, alcohol, shopping and any other addiction to avoid feeling uncomfortable. But PAIN is a good thing. It is an indicator that you need to press the reset button on your life. But so many people opt to just avoid and check out. Checking out means you don’t learn the necessary lesson required for evolution. Skipping the lesson destines you to relive it until you learn.
Here are some steps to help avoid CRISIS.
- Live consciously – slow down and process your feelings instead of avoiding them. Notice when you are over eating, drinking or doing more of something than is not healthy.
- Let go of the baggage. You can’t change the past. Thoughts of what should of, could of and would of don’t serve you — they just stress you. The weight of the baggage is unresolved stuff. Who would you be without your “story”? Byron Katie has a great turnaround process for limiting beliefs.
- Move past fear and stop worrying about the future. A presence of fear is a sure sign you are trusting in your own strength. Remove the fear by connecting with your spirituality and trust that this too shall pass. In each thought, you are either “Host to God” or “Hostage to the Ego”. Which do you choose?
- Choose love. Only love is real. Feeling and having loving thoughts means you are connected to something other than yourself. It is never too late to choose love and begin creating miracles in your life.
- Meditate or pray daily. This is how you create miracles. Focus on the solution, not the problem. Your thoughts create your reality.
My friend has a choice: she can accept the normal cycle of life changes that she is facing, feel some necessary pain, and undergo a beautiful transformation into the next phase of her life. Or not. But the path of denial is much more painful in the long run. It is her choice.